I am leading myself towards a new path. I do not know where this road will take me. But as I continue with my journey to the end of medicine, I am ready to face obstacles. I may not be online very often anymore due to the nature of my studies that require constant attention. But this I know, I am about to take the biggest leap ever towards the proper field of my clinicals. Although, I may still drop by to write a few blogs or so.

Whether I grow old studying and brooding over the life I assumed I lost and the things I think I didnt get to enjoy, these things really dont bother me anymore. I have gone this far and I am not letting go of my dreams, and I refuse to fail the expectations of those who supported me.

I was told to prepare myself, I will be seeing people die under my care even with the advent of medical intervention. Yes, I've seen people in their death beds but having someone's life in my hands is unlike the ones I've already witnessed.

I dont fear death. I am more than willing to go where it will lead me. I have a story to tell myself. My sister was misdiagnosed with leukemia and that alone tore me apart. I love my family even if I have all the freedom to describe it as that bright sumptuous red apple in a basket, but when you take a bite from it, the squirming worms inside disgust you. Yes my family is a bit like that, people envied us from our town back home but they never knew the dark side. I remember when we were little. But I love my family. We are borne into a family that doesnt always appreciate us and sometimes we blame it for who and what we are today. Things have been very different lately, my brother will be working in NY and my sister is almost be done with her masters. Our childhood memories somehow still bring tears into my eyes. We were best of friends mainly because we were not allowed to play with the neighborhood kids. We girls would play with our brother's toy guns and his cars while our brother would help us set our little house for our tea parties. I would die for my family... but loosing them would completely devastate me.

I kept wondering how my antibodies have kept my condition at bay. Anyway, with sincere collaboration from the medical society, they have been very helpful in informing me with my diagnosis: a benign insulinoma, a rare cause for severe hypoglycemia where the beta cells of the islets of Langerhans in the pancreas hypersecrete insulin due to a proliferation therein, an almost cancerous formation. I have been on insulin suppressants, I do not require surgery because I know if I get one, I would rely heavily on hormonal medications. But I also thought, what if this neoplasia would soon be malignant and metastasize? Surgery after all, is supposed to be preventive. But as of now, its really no biggie. My defenses are somehow still working. I still am not free to discuss the specifics of my diagnosis because I feel like I should live in the present and stop thinking about what is not here yet. I dont fear my own loss, my sister just worries about loosing a sister but everytime we get together, we try to have as much laughs as we can. Cherish the moment while you still have it because life comes very swiftly.

Thinking about the past has made me realize how beautiful life really is and if I think more about death than most people do, maybe it is because I love life more than they do...

found your blog while looking for references and experiences of insulinoma. Love the whole thing! However I have been diagnosed with an insulinoma and have just elected to go for surgery. As it appears you are about to or have just become a fully fledged doctor I am interested in your reasons for not going in for surgery and anyhting else you can tell me that I may not have been told or not found on the net. Any contact with someone with a similar situation and experiences would be very interesting to me. PS Im glad to have found a sufferer who is not a ferret or a dog, I am not alone!!!! Kindest regards Angie:)