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so one night my fiance decided to
email me something.

he said he's weird. i know he's
got a lot in his mind

and he doesnt know how much i like
the way he thinks.

here is one of those "trains" of
thought that he has...

 

Some
Dreams are so Powerful They
become REAL

But
most dreams,  dont come True
on Their
own

You
HAVE to make them come
TruE,

And it
takes a lot Of  Work

.
when we make our
dreams
a
reality

OuR 
reality  becomes 
a 
dream

so lets dream a
BETTER dream

 

Happy
Anniversary Baby!!!

(yes i quoted
you again!)

A Walk In The Morning Mist

I rise above the darkness.
Shadows cast aside.
Each step stretches further,
Into the haze.

I reach beyond the dimness.
Gloom fading slowly.
Each step reaches deeper,
Into the vapor.

I roam amidst the blackness.
Umbra burning away.
Each step extends beyond,
Into the fog.

I am not alone.
Morning light shining.
Each step brings me closer,
To the future.

RW
04/26/2006

 

What Dreams May Come

The sun sets.
Eyes close.
Enfolding arms,
Bring protection,
From the dark.

The stars shine.
Glowing softly.
Radiating warmth,
Shrouding bodies,
In growing bliss.

The moon rises.
Gleaming silver.
Gently Illuminating,
Passionate forms,
Entwined in desire.

The sun rises.
Eyes open.
Enfolding arms,
Bring promises,
Of the future.

RW
12/11/2005

  
This is a beautiful poem with an expressive imagery... 
passionate and sublime, clearly the product of 
the author's brilliant imagination.

and I am lucky I happen to love a lover and a writer 

Rising from the darkness,
Blooming like a rose.
Hands reaching deftly,
Across all of creation.
Eyes opening to light.
Angel of the morning,
Wings spread for flight.

Illumination spreading out,
flowing like a golden river.
Streams filling the valleys,
Spreading out like a flood.
Arrns soaking in the light.
Brilliant angel of the dawn,
Bringing life to the dead.

Glow lighting the darkness,
Surrounding like a cloak.
Covering all in brilliance,
Dispelling the deep gloom.
Heart shining radiantly.
Bright angelic aurora,
Filling the soul with love.


RW
11/18/2005

The Princess Without A Castle

He promised her the world
Upon her was true love hurled
He beheld her bare image as if it were a statue of ivory
And caressed every inch of her torridly
Gave her jems and silver
Wanting to lay her down on a bed of flowers
Yes everything was fit for a princess
But what is a princess without her castle?
What is a princess without treasures that dazzle?
What is a princess without her crown?
Ohh please dont frown
For she asked not what the world can give
His child she desires to conceive
His fervent passion she longs to partake
Only to wear a ring on her finger for his sake
And her hand for him to take
An everlasting vow to make
That was all his princess asked from him
A love not even death could part
And a castle in his heart

I am leading myself towards a new path. I do not know where this road will take me. But as I continue with my journey to the end of medicine, I am ready to face obstacles. I may not be online very often anymore due to the nature of my studies that require constant attention. But this I know, I am about to take the biggest leap ever towards the proper field of my clinicals. Although, I may still drop by to write a few blogs or so.

Whether I grow old studying and brooding over the life I assumed I lost and the things I think I didnt get to enjoy, these things really dont bother me anymore. I have gone this far and I am not letting go of my dreams, and I refuse to fail the expectations of those who supported me.

I was told to prepare myself, I will be seeing people die under my care even with the advent of medical intervention. Yes, I've seen people in their death beds but having someone's life in my hands is unlike the ones I've already witnessed.

I dont fear death. I am more than willing to go where it will lead me. I have a story to tell myself. My sister was misdiagnosed with leukemia and that alone tore me apart. I love my family even if I have all the freedom to describe it as that bright sumptuous red apple in a basket, but when you take a bite from it, the squirming worms inside disgust you. Yes my family is a bit like that, people envied us from our town back home but they never knew the dark side. I remember when we were little. But I love my family. We are borne into a family that doesnt always appreciate us and sometimes we blame it for who and what we are today. Things have been very different lately, my brother will be working in NY and my sister is almost be done with her masters. Our childhood memories somehow still bring tears into my eyes. We were best of friends mainly because we were not allowed to play with the neighborhood kids. We girls would play with our brother's toy guns and his cars while our brother would help us set our little house for our tea parties. I would die for my family... but loosing them would completely devastate me.

I kept wondering how my antibodies have kept my condition at bay. Anyway, with sincere collaboration from the medical society, they have been very helpful in informing me with my diagnosis: a benign insulinoma, a rare cause for severe hypoglycemia where the beta cells of the islets of Langerhans in the pancreas hypersecrete insulin due to a proliferation therein, an almost cancerous formation. I have been on insulin suppressants, I do not require surgery because I know if I get one, I would rely heavily on hormonal medications. But I also thought, what if this neoplasia would soon be malignant and metastasize? Surgery after all, is supposed to be preventive. But as of now, its really no biggie. My defenses are somehow still working. I still am not free to discuss the specifics of my diagnosis because I feel like I should live in the present and stop thinking about what is not here yet. I dont fear my own loss, my sister just worries about loosing a sister but everytime we get together, we try to have as much laughs as we can. Cherish the moment while you still have it because life comes very swiftly.

Thinking about the past has made me realize how beautiful life really is and if I think more about death than most people do, maybe it is because I love life more than they do...

JOTW for September 19-25, 2005

---

Here Is My Journal of The Week Story...

I received an Email from Bravejournal.com, the Webjournal Community... congratulating me for being one of the Journal of the Week winners. The letter went like this:

---

We are pleased to inform you that your Bravejournal has been selected as a Journal of the Week! Each week, we pick two journals to be listed as Journals of the Week based on good use of design and/or content and yours has been selected due to the outstanding job you did on your journal.

---

Thank you!

Now I am quoting from my Application to the Journal Of The Week's journal submission

---

Email/ID: amateur_astronomer2000@yahoo.com
Journal URL: www.thehuntress.bravediary.com

---

---

What is your name? Leah

I find myself in a very irrational state
Lacking the ability to think normally
I hear your voice
But you are not there
You are but an auditory hallucination
I see your figure from afar
But you are not there
You are but a visual hallucination
I am psychotic
My mind believes something
That is falsely propagated
I am in an abnormal mental state
Yes I was told
By the occurence of these psychotic delusions
I am illogical
I have these irresistable thoughts about you
I have these absurd impulses
Compulsions
Obsessions
You are like the drugs that run in my vein
I am addicted to you
Youve turned me into something
Youve turned me into a paranoid

---

---

I want to abuse you
    I want to be abused by you
       I want to manipulate you
Use me.
    Abuse me.
       Manipulate me.

---

---

I am living in an ilusion
    An ilusion of heightened grandeur
       That a god from heaven
          Came down to love me

He was this immortal
    Who sought earth to find a mortal
       But who am i fooling?
          I woke up from that dream

I realized he was not there
    He could not love a peasant girl
        He could not possibly desire my flesh
           What could he want from a slave?

I looked and wondered
    Longing to taste the ambrosia on my lips  
       To give me immortal life and wings to take flight
            So to find him in heaven where he dwells

He cannot see me, he must not see me
    What if he sees me and finds me pleasing?
       Or if he sees me and finds me hideous?
            I would rather he love me as a mortal
                than be merely adored as a goddess

I was the demon and he was the angel
    I was death and he was life
        I was earth and he was heaven
            When will heaven ever meet earth?

How I prayed that distance should not separate us
    I wished that death should not corrupt me
        For this mortal flesh will soon die but I am his lover
            Whose love for her beloved, not even death could destroy

Pitied myself for loving a god
    Who could never love me in return
        I would rather die a mortal by his side
             Than live a thousand years suffering without him  
       
Oh, the memory of that foolish love still haunts me
    He became the only river of life
        He made laughter out of my tears
            But he was lost to me as swiftly as he came

He gave me life but he also brought death       
    Had I known, I would have denied it
       But not now, I am still dreaming
            I can dream, can't I?

---

---

---

ENVY

I envy the night
   when you pray to her
I envy the stars
   when you look at them
I envy the moon
   when you think of her beauty
I envy the sun in the morning
   when her light shines upon your hair
   for i know not even my fingers
   can run themselves across your hair
I envy the wind
   the wind that passes you by
   for you cannot even feel my slightest whisper
I envy the rain that touches your face
   that caresses your skin
   and the rain that pours itsef over you
   how can i embrace you?
I envy the sweetness of honey
   when you adore them with your lips
Even the robes and garments that you wear
   I envy them when they caress your body
   instead of my hands on yours
I envy the pen that you hold when you write
   its fate is better than mine
   because your hands could never hold mine
I envy the music that you listen to
   for you hear her melodies
   more often than my cries
I envy the songs that others sing to you
   because you cannot be here
   you cannot listen to my voice
I envy the tears from your eyes
   those tears that roll down your cheeks
   they are the vision of your loneliness
   while they flow from your eyes
   your eyes, I could never look into them
I envy the heart that beats inside of you
   because it could never beat with mine
I envy the blood that runs in your veins
   for they provide you with more warmth
   than my cold and distant voice
Ohh when will you quench this thirst I have for you?
When will this jealousy ever end?
It is deadlier than love itself
I cant stand the way it is killing me
Will you save me?
Before I die of envy?